Summer break?

That is such a play on words. Really.

What does summer break really mean? For a teacher, many things. For the most part, it does mean that I do not have to go into class every day or see students. A great benefit. However, this does not mean that I am not working. It does not mean that any teacher is not working. In fact, most teachers are working over the summer break.

For instance, I am able to take advantage of this off time and take professional development classes. I have already attended a full week of class already. I will be teaching AP Economics in the fall and needed to attend the week long training. I can check that one of my list.

I am scheduled to attend a session at the Holocaust museum. I am not so sure I want to go, honestly. Those are some extremely long days and I don't know if I am for it.

I am also scheduled to spend two days at Mount Vernon. I am looking forward to that.

Meanwhile, I am taking an online class that will require me to submit assignments every other day or so. A pretty steady stream of work. While do this I also need to get my planning for the school year done. I am off to a pretty good start, but there is much to do still to prepare for classes to begin.

We took on the challenge to have one of my nephews here for a visit. Wow, what a challenge. He has kept us on our toes. We are hoping to help him catch up with some missing school skills, but there are several other things we are noticing he needs help with.

To add to our already busy summer, we are also going to be moving. It is a positive thing, it really is. It just isn't something we are looking forward to... the actual physical part of moving. The new place, we are so looking forward to. 

School Year In review

The year is coming to an end and I am beginning to take stock in the past year. What has gone right, what has gone wrong? What can I change, what should be left alone?

Coming to a new district I have had to take a look at the type of teacher I am and try to adapt to the new culture of this area. The students that I come into contact with are different and I have to be able to move with that. To be flexible.

As I take a look in the mirror at the year that is passing, I will take a hard look at my teaching and my classroom management and reflect on it. It can be difficult, but I know that in order to be a better teacher,  will need to improve what I am doing.

When do I stop and feel comfortable?

Ever feel like you are forgetting something?

Ever felt like that for a long period of time?

Welcome to my life. Daily, I feel as if I am missing something, forgetting something, and feel like I should be rushing to get something done. When does this feeling end? How do I get it to end?

Change isn't easy

Internally I feel that push that the school year is coming to an end soon. It isn't. At least not as soon as my internal clock feels like it should be. The differences between the school calendars is messing with me. Testing days are just finishing, retest days are approaching, and school should be ending shortly after. However, classes here at my new campus go on for an additional three weeks. Change isn't easy on the internal calendar.

I worry about the summer. It is the first time we have had to put money away to have money for our summer living expenses. I only have two more paychecks before we have to use the money we have been putting away. I worry about it. We have to make sure we have enough money for our living expenses and have money for the extras we try to do over the summer.

It will be a change. I also have to prep for next fall. New classes, new responsibility. 

Tired

It has been a long couple of weeks. Feels like same bs, just a new location. Playing politics isn't fun and I am not very good at it.

How do I know who I can trust? I don't. I am always needing to watch what I say and who I say it to. Do I have to be fake all the time? Is there anyone i can be real with and not have some backlash over?

I am mentally exhausted, which takes a physical toll. which takes a toll on my abilities to handle everything. I seem to feel tired way more often than I should. Taking vitamins isn't helping.

Thoughts of a teacher on April 28

When I began to teach I was full of energy, excitement, and hope for the impact of my chosen profession. i began teaching thinking and believing that I could have a major impact on the students that I would come into contact with.

I enjoyed the content area that I had chosen to teach, that was never been an issue. I enjoyed trying to figure out new ways to engage the students, to help them learn the material, and helping them find that it is possible to be successful.

What has happened to that excitement? What has happened to the belief that I can make an impact on the students I come in contact with? I don't like not feeling excited about that I am doing. The feeling that it is pointless to be in my classroom creeps into my thoughts more and more.

The students that I am in contact with have changed. There are difference in the students of my past and the students of my present. Changes that i am still learning.

Where has the love for my subject gone? Some days, I feel as if I am just phoning it in. I can place some of the blame on it being my first year in a new school and a new district. I have had to be on auto pilot while learning the the new school. the new district, the new area, and getting use to the new location we live in.

I question if i will find this missing link. I sincerely hope I do. I have been trying to adjust to my new schedule. It allows me to do more for me. I get enough time in the day that I am able to be more than just a teacher. This is new for me. Before this I was never able to do to much during the school year. I had always been so busy being a teacher that i had known very little outside of that. I was always a teacher.

Why am I a teacher? I have to admit that there are now days that I ask myself this question. I remind myself that the first year is the toughest, that it will get better. However, the doubts surface often.

As I get use to the subjects, the people, the students, the area, and everything else that is new, I believe it will get easier and I will fill more connected with teaching again. That is the hope and I am wondering when will it happen.

The school year here seems to have dragged out. There aren't many breaks and the year goes three weeks longer that I am use to. That is physically and mentally demanding.

I had hopes that I would adjust quickly, but just as I think I am adjusting, something new is thrown at me and all of the gains seem to be wiped away and I feel as if I don't know what I am doing here. When will I fully feel comfortable here? When will I feel as if I belong here? Will I ever?

Frustration

In the past couple weeks, the frustration with my career choice has grown. I have been telling myself that it goes in cycles, not to worry, see it through to the other side, but honestly it is beginning to take a toll.

I have been more tired the lat few weeks than I can ever remember being. By the end of the work day I am ready for a nap, at least mentally. As I sit here writing this I can feel myself wanting to nod off. Why? What is it about this year that is so much different than the years before?

I have just learned in the past two weeks that I will be teaching AP Economics in the fall. This is not the happiest news ever, a little stressful, but the tired feelings started even before that. Little things are beginning to really bug me. I don't have the tolerance for things. I am, thankfully, keeping myself in check, but internally and after I have done what needs to be done I am not happy about it and am not being nice about it.

I love teaching, I really do. I am wondering if I am teaching anymore.

East Coast Living

We are now almost half way through the second semester of the school year. It is hard to believe that we have been here on the east coast 8 months already. I believe we have all been adjusting fairly well. That isn't saying we haven't had our rough spots, but that is to be expected. We also know that we aren't all going to adjust at the same rate and it isn't going to happen right away. In fact, we have heard it can actually take a year to adjust to a new location. I can see how that is possible.

Since being in the new area we have really tried to get out and explore things more that we had in the past. I think the area lends itself to getting out and about more. There is so much more to do here, the weather is more tolerable, and there are so many things that are free.

I think the hardest adjustment has been my school schedule. It has a tremendous impact on things outside of school. How early I need to get to bed, when I begin to get tired, and thus how much time I have in the late evenings. This is time the Ker and I are use to being able to spend together. We are trying to adjust ourselves. She is a late night person and I am ok with that. In fact, I tend to be too, which makes us compatible, but a late night schedule is not compatible with an early morning work schedule.

We are making the necessary adjustments. We have purchased bicycles and a bike carrier for the Rav so that we can begin biking along the Potomac as the weather improves.

Life has changed, some, but we have seen improvements and not regression. We have, on several occasions, asked if we still think it was a good move. Each time the answer has been yes. 

The State of the Teacher

How many people actually stop and think about everything a teacher does, or tries to get done in a day? I would assume, not many.

There are days, few though, in which I have little more to do than teach the 120 plus students that I am charged with teaching. This in itself is a monumental task. I have 120 plus individuals, with independently thinking brains, independent experiences, ideals, morals, beliefs, and of course opinions. For each of these 120 individuals I have to be prepared to redirect them, individually assess them, individual instruct them, and be able to ascertain if they have had a bad day, a good day, a change in their behavior, the appearance, has there been any outside the classroom experience that will impact their classroom behavior or there responses to their peers. All of this while keeping anything I learn in private and never being straight forward in asking the student if their is an issue and never crossing the line to show an extreme personal interest so as to not appear to be unethical or immoral myself.

Have I mentioned the stress?

As if this isn't enough, there are those days in which actual teaching takes the minimal amount of time of the day and all of the other "stuff" takes up the majority of my time. There are days in which the emails from parents are waiting when I turn on my school computer. Emails requesting that their child be allowed to turn in an assignment late. Even though the student had been aware of the due date for the previous three months. Asking that their child not be held accountable for the assignment in the exact format that everyone else is and in the next breath asking me why it is taking so long to get the grades to them. I am not preparing their child for the real word if I am not allowed to hold them accountable to the requirements set out. I have due dates to meet, the students have due dates to meet, I am expected to be flexible for the students, but I am not given the same amount of flexibility because I am in the real world side of education. So again I ask, if I cannot hold the student accountable, how is it that I am preparing them for the real world?

Have I mentioned the stress?

Meetings, meetings, and more meeting. Paperwork, planning, grading, and time constraints. What do all of these have in common? The teacher. While we, in theory, have time to plan and grade, in practice that time is eaten up in meetings, emails, telephone calls, meetings, forced planning with others that doesn't truly translate into anything you will use in the classroom, meetings, and of course at some point in there you would really like to have time to spend with your own family and sleep.

Have I mentioned stress?

In the perfect world, a teacher gets to specialize, or become and expert in what they are teaching. In the nine years that I have been teaching I have now taught 10 subjects. I have just learned that I will be teaching another subject next year. So, this time next year, after 10 years of teaching I will be able to say I have taught 11 subjects. I am perpetually in a state of first year teacher mode. Does anyone understand the stress that comes with trying to know the subject before you begin teaching the subject, when you aren't teaching the subject for more than one year at a time? Or teaching more than one subject at the same time, in the same state of mind that you are trying to learn it before you teach it?

Have I mentioned stress?

I love teaching, I really do. TEACHING! I am paying for that by dealing with the paperwork, the meetings, the phones calls, the emails, the lack of sleep, the feeling of not fully knowing my subject, and the limited amount of time I seem to get to spend with my family.

Have I mentions the STRESS?

A New Subject to Teach

It seems that the numbers are in and I am going to be teaching AP Economics in the fall. Yippee! Please note the tone of sarcasm in my voice.

I am not a trained economist, not even close. I had said, in passing that yeah I can teach it, not that yeah I wanted to teach it. UGH! Trying to be a team player, but honestly, I am not sure how I am going to be able to do this.