When do I stop and feel comfortable?

Ever feel like you are forgetting something?

Ever felt like that for a long period of time?

Welcome to my life. Daily, I feel as if I am missing something, forgetting something, and feel like I should be rushing to get something done. When does this feeling end? How do I get it to end?

Change isn't easy

Internally I feel that push that the school year is coming to an end soon. It isn't. At least not as soon as my internal clock feels like it should be. The differences between the school calendars is messing with me. Testing days are just finishing, retest days are approaching, and school should be ending shortly after. However, classes here at my new campus go on for an additional three weeks. Change isn't easy on the internal calendar.

I worry about the summer. It is the first time we have had to put money away to have money for our summer living expenses. I only have two more paychecks before we have to use the money we have been putting away. I worry about it. We have to make sure we have enough money for our living expenses and have money for the extras we try to do over the summer.

It will be a change. I also have to prep for next fall. New classes, new responsibility. 

Tired

It has been a long couple of weeks. Feels like same bs, just a new location. Playing politics isn't fun and I am not very good at it.

How do I know who I can trust? I don't. I am always needing to watch what I say and who I say it to. Do I have to be fake all the time? Is there anyone i can be real with and not have some backlash over?

I am mentally exhausted, which takes a physical toll. which takes a toll on my abilities to handle everything. I seem to feel tired way more often than I should. Taking vitamins isn't helping.

Thoughts of a teacher on April 28

When I began to teach I was full of energy, excitement, and hope for the impact of my chosen profession. i began teaching thinking and believing that I could have a major impact on the students that I would come into contact with.

I enjoyed the content area that I had chosen to teach, that was never been an issue. I enjoyed trying to figure out new ways to engage the students, to help them learn the material, and helping them find that it is possible to be successful.

What has happened to that excitement? What has happened to the belief that I can make an impact on the students I come in contact with? I don't like not feeling excited about that I am doing. The feeling that it is pointless to be in my classroom creeps into my thoughts more and more.

The students that I am in contact with have changed. There are difference in the students of my past and the students of my present. Changes that i am still learning.

Where has the love for my subject gone? Some days, I feel as if I am just phoning it in. I can place some of the blame on it being my first year in a new school and a new district. I have had to be on auto pilot while learning the the new school. the new district, the new area, and getting use to the new location we live in.

I question if i will find this missing link. I sincerely hope I do. I have been trying to adjust to my new schedule. It allows me to do more for me. I get enough time in the day that I am able to be more than just a teacher. This is new for me. Before this I was never able to do to much during the school year. I had always been so busy being a teacher that i had known very little outside of that. I was always a teacher.

Why am I a teacher? I have to admit that there are now days that I ask myself this question. I remind myself that the first year is the toughest, that it will get better. However, the doubts surface often.

As I get use to the subjects, the people, the students, the area, and everything else that is new, I believe it will get easier and I will fill more connected with teaching again. That is the hope and I am wondering when will it happen.

The school year here seems to have dragged out. There aren't many breaks and the year goes three weeks longer that I am use to. That is physically and mentally demanding.

I had hopes that I would adjust quickly, but just as I think I am adjusting, something new is thrown at me and all of the gains seem to be wiped away and I feel as if I don't know what I am doing here. When will I fully feel comfortable here? When will I feel as if I belong here? Will I ever?