Doctors..... good vs evil

It has been a long week. Let's back track some.

Thursday I left work early because of the pain in my hip was so bad I couldn't sit, stand, or walk without pain. I tried to see the doctor that day, but the wait was so long I sat there for over an hour and I still hadn't had my vitals read. So I left.

I went to my doctor the next morning. The doctor sent me for an xray. I took a half day off from work and went to get it done. The thoughts then were pulled muscle, ligament, or something along those lines. Monday morning - nothing. No results.

Monday afternoon the office gets to Kerry, saying they are trying to get to me. Seems the doctor wants me to come in for a follow up ASAP. OK scare the hell out of me why don't you. So I say I'll come on in. Nope - he has left for the day, first thing available in 8am Tuesday. So why tell me ASAP if he can't see me ASAP?

Tuesday morning 8 am:

I have cancer. Excuse me, say that again....

They have found lesions on my bone that indicate the presence of cancer. Cancer of this type and in this place isn't isolated to this place it would have to have metastasised. K turns white as the best cotton sheet I have ever seen. I feel like I have just grabbed ahold of a piano falling from.... somewhere higher than I ever want to freakin be. Get me the hell off this ride before it starts! I don't like horror movies, practical jokes, or unhappy endings - I don't want to be part of this story line.

He keeps talking about cancer..... I keep hearing cancer. Nothing else. No options. Just cancer. K is crying. I am crying. I am not sick! I can't be. No wait loss. No signs, nothing. I am healthy. Wake me the hell up.

He wants to send me for an MRI - get me in NOW! I tell him. Whatever it takes. He leaves the room to make some calls and I begin thinking things I don't want to think about. K, the kids, my family, omg how do I tell my parents? The kids? What will happen.....

I am not alone. K is telling me she is there, no matter what. I honestly hadn't thought anything else. The thought she wouldn't be there hadn't cross my mind. But a whole bunch of other shit had.

1pm - thats the soonest they can get me in. OK - I'll be there. I'll go the my classroom. get things in order for a sub, keep myself busy to stop myself from going nuts, call family... shit what do you say? What the hell do I say?

K and I make plans to meet up in my classroom before going to the radiology place together. She is going to be there as I am going through the MRI.

We get into our vehicles and I am alone.
More thinking.
STOP!
I have to call my parents. I have to give them some warning.

There is no great way to start this type of conversation. "Good morning all.... umm doc says I have cancer." That just sounds wrong. Don't ask what I said because I couldn't recall much if I tried.

I spoke with my mother and step mother. Who in turn called others. My two sisters called me. Everyone sends their good thoughts. K begins to call - omg who didn't she call.

1pm - MRI
Only 45 minutes in this machine. I can handle it. I have to know what is going on inside my hip. I have to know. Oldies music - good choice to listen to while that loud ass machine shoots lasers at me trying to see whats going on. Half way through they change some things on me. Radiologists want to add iodine to my system. That wasn't in the Rx I tell the tech. No, but they want to add it if you'll consent. Ummmmm..... yeah. Then I lay there thinking.... OH SHIT!! They would only do this if they already saw something and want to get a closer look.

230pm - I walk out - arm bruised (he missed my veins 3 times) and K is nervous. I didn't know the time. 45 minute test took 90 minutes. Now the wait begins.

The calls come - do you have news. None. Everyone is angry with the doctor. Why only cancer? Why not something else? WHY!!!!

5pm - office hours over. I called - nothing yet, they have asked for the pre-lim results to be faxed but they don't think he will talk to me about pre-lim results. I said have him call.
Waiting continues.

534pm We have given up hearing anything. K calls her mom, we begin making plans for dinner, the phone rings. Its the doctor.

"Inflammatory Osteoarthristis"

I do not have cancer. He single handedly scared the whole hell out of me and many members of my extended family. But then end result is I can live with this.... I can manage this.

I love my life!!