Friends?

While I was growing up, prior to the divorce of my parents, I had a solid blue collar life. I moved a couple times, but I don't remember worrying about things.

I had one consistent set of friends. A brother and sister that I can, to this day, remember having been around my family since before I can remember. Their parents were friends with my parents. My Dad and their Dad worked together at the bakery before the bakery shut down.

After my parents divorce, things were different. Dad got the friends in the divorce and Mom liked to keep the kids from Dad.

After the divorce I lost touch with those two. Ever so often I would be able to meet up with them, but my life had drastically changed. I was no longer the kids from a blue collar family. I was now the oldest child of a family on welfare. The oldest child of a mother who couldn't seem to find someone to love her.

I got the short end of the stick growing up. There are people who had it much worse that I did. I do realize that. However I have also come to realize that I do not make friends well. I do not seem to socialize well. I do ok - but I could have done better.

My childhood is my past. It is something I cannot get rid of, but also something I do not want to define me now. How do I reconcile the past and continue on without feeling the loss of something?