Arguments

Is there such a thing as productive arguments? Arguments that do not undermine the relationship?

Is there a way to disagree and not be destructive?

I am searching for a way to be able to disagree/argue and not screw with the relationship. I have tried to go beyond the type of person I was in arguments of past. It has not been easy to change my bad habits.

I am that type of person that I will hold things in until they get to a point that I feel like I will bust. I don't want to be like that. It is destructive to me as well as my relationships. I have tried to be more "blunt." That is to say what I feel then and there and not let it build to the point that I am boiling over and cannot communicate effectively.

My last relationship I let everything go until that point. I let the little shit build up. I didn't step up and say I don't like this. Emotionally it destroyed me, but it was the way I saw things were suppose to be. Its small let it go. Its nothing big - let him have his way. What's the harm - it makes him happy.

Part of that continues. It makes her happy - let it go. Its nothing huge, let it go. I have tried to stop letting things get to a boiling point. To that point in which all the anger and hurt I have buried comes rushing out. Where the words I am trying to find to explain how I feel won't come out.

I feel like an emotional ping pong ball. Its not fair to without normal communications or walk around the house ignoring someone because they said something you disagree with. That is emotional blackmail. The silence is deafening. The point is clear. I am wrong - I say so and all is better. What about when I am not wrong?

What about then?

Random

It has been a while since I last posted. Getting back to school has made life busy here. I found out I wasn't going to be teaching my AP class and things got busy after that. I had classes to prep for that I hadn't had before.

L left for college... she is in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M. She is having a tough time, but she is doing well. She loves the band. Something we knew she would like. We took her up there on the 19th to check in and then we went back up a week later to see the whole unit during their step off and to have dinner with her.

We haven't been able to make it to an actual game, but I search for the half time show performance on You tube every Sunday morning.

Life is different without L here. We adjusted pretty quickly when R and M left last year. They were already in and out a lot due to school, sports, jobs, and girlfriends. L was different. Being younger she was a little less mature and hung around home a lot more. We were more dependent on her being here than we realized. We could leave the house and have a quick dinner together without worrying much. We could head into town to go shopping. We were able to talk to her.

I am proud of the path she has chosen, but I do miss her.