Friends?

While I was growing up, prior to the divorce of my parents, I had a solid blue collar life. I moved a couple times, but I don't remember worrying about things.

I had one consistent set of friends. A brother and sister that I can, to this day, remember having been around my family since before I can remember. Their parents were friends with my parents. My Dad and their Dad worked together at the bakery before the bakery shut down.

After my parents divorce, things were different. Dad got the friends in the divorce and Mom liked to keep the kids from Dad.

After the divorce I lost touch with those two. Ever so often I would be able to meet up with them, but my life had drastically changed. I was no longer the kids from a blue collar family. I was now the oldest child of a family on welfare. The oldest child of a mother who couldn't seem to find someone to love her.

I got the short end of the stick growing up. There are people who had it much worse that I did. I do realize that. However I have also come to realize that I do not make friends well. I do not seem to socialize well. I do ok - but I could have done better.

My childhood is my past. It is something I cannot get rid of, but also something I do not want to define me now. How do I reconcile the past and continue on without feeling the loss of something?

What a month!

In this past month we have been to Iowa, stayed ten full day, came home to missing mail, and ants invading our a/c unit. Yes, ants can interrupt the proper mechanical function of an air conditioning unit.

We went up to Iowa to spend some time with my family. Thought it would be a great thing. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what we thought it would be either. I really did enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews. It was the first time I was able to meet a couple of them and it was nice.

We spent the first few days on the east side of Iowa and then headed to the West side of Iowa to spend some time with the other side of the family and visit some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Which was really nice.

I was able to talk to the one cousin that I was the closest to growing up. We exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch better than we have before. Which will be really nice. So much has changed.

I was also able to visit two of my uncles who were able to give me information regarding my family trees. I was able to fill in some blanks that I thought I had hit brick walls with.

Next on my agenda is to finish my syllabi for this coming school year, fix the pool, and finish the blanket I started maing for my youngest sister's soon to be newest child. (She can stop having children until she marries someone now!)

Vacations and extended family = oil and water

Vacations.... is there really such a thing?

We have been away from home since last Thursday and I am more tired now than I was last week. A vacation does not mean you will rest. A vacation means you will leave the comfort of your own bed and hope you have some fun along the way and make some great memories.

What was I thinking coming to visit extended family? Did I really think they would look at me differently? Treat me differently?

I had hoped. My head knows better - my heart only aches for acceptance.