Another week about to begin....

and I still do not know where I stand with the new job prospect.

I am also at odds with the idea of being closer to my extended family. I have only told two members of my family, by now I know a couple more know by now, but I am beginning to wonder if its what it is what it is cracked up to be.

I took a step. I have applied for and feverishly gone after a position back in my hometown. I have a couple of friends who have been very happy at the prospect of me and my family coming back into town on a permanent basis. My father was genuinely happy when I told him. My sister, who would be living about 5 hours from me, was happy.

Reality bites.

My step-sister, of only 20 years, is being written about in the city newspaper. An article about her and breast cancer. She is fast approaching her 5 years in remission anniversary. This is cancer awareness week so it makes sense to highlight a positive outcome. Its an awesome thing. The problem... no one told me. Not even a mention of it. Why?

The first thought - its just me. No big deal. She doesn't want to know, she isn't involved, she doesn't care. Wrong on all accounts. They don't know me.

That is one thing I keep trying to remind myself. They don't really know me. I have been away for 20 years next year. I didn't grow up in my Dad's home. I shouldn't assume.... they do that enough.

I am confused.

Vacations and extended family = oil and water

Vacations.... is there really such a thing?

We have been away from home since last Thursday and I am more tired now than I was last week. A vacation does not mean you will rest. A vacation means you will leave the comfort of your own bed and hope you have some fun along the way and make some great memories.

What was I thinking coming to visit extended family? Did I really think they would look at me differently? Treat me differently?

I had hoped. My head knows better - my heart only aches for acceptance.