What to do

My father has had a heart attack. At this point we are not sure how serious. Thankfully it wasn't a massive heart attack. He is currently in the hospital in ICU. The have run one test, an ultrasound, to see if they could see the damage.

Tomorrow they are going to run a series of tests beginning at 6:30 am. They should have the results in the afternoon sometime.

We are short on funds. I don't know what to do.

My week as a single mom

Seems I have a lot to learn about running a house with four kids in it alone. I am hoping NEVER EVER to have to do it again, for any long period of time beyond what I did.

While K was away I thought I would be able to handle things. Well, there were no hospital visits, no one committed any crimes, and no one got sick. I didn't stay on top of things for as well as i should have though.

C had a project due at school, it got neglected. He kept saying it was being done at school. I believed him. I was up with him Wed night finishing it with him. trying to make it right.

I wasn't able to stay on top of things the way K can when she is home. It pointed out how hard it is to be a good parent while trying to work full time. Especially with a career that doesn't end when you leave you work place. While K was away I didn't do much grading or lesson planning, which gave me tons of things to do after K returned.

Single parents need a great support system in order to make it work. Raising children takes a great deal of energy and when a parent is put in a situation where they are completely alone in looking after the children, they need help.

I don't not know what the solution is, but there needs to support for them.

I thank K for everything she does that she doesn't get recognized for. She is the support system our children need. I wouldn't be able to do this alone.

She's coming home!

My lovely wife has been away for the past 6 days. A month ago, when we had some extra money, I purchased her a round trip ticket to Rhode Island - where her family is.
She hasn't been able to ever go back and visit family without having kids in toe, and I honestly felt she deserved the chance to get away for a bit.

The other reason she was going to be away was to finish getting her name changed on her drivers license. We finally have the same name, throughout. For a while now she has been wanting to get her identity issues fixed. So during her trip east she was able to take care of it.

During this past week, I have missed her terribly. Its been hectic, trying to remember to pick things up from the store, check to make sure everyone has their meds, and at the same time making sure I have my school stuff in order. Some things have slacked, I admit. However, we've done good. I didn't have us eating out every night. In fact, we really didn't eat out much at all.

No one was hurt, no doctor visits, and I haven't wanted to kill anyone. Now I will admit, I haven't been able to focus much attention on my class stuff, but I can catch up.

Being apart has given me a moment of pause to appreciate having a two parent home for our kids. It has also reminded me how much I love that woman! I am looking forward to everything about her.

Thanks for everything you do to keep the house running! I love you!!!!

Confusion

School has been back in session for three weeks now. Three weeks in and I am still feeling like I am trying to find my sea legs. I am trying to figure out how to get my students to read the text book. Any suggestions? Wait I have to have readers to give suggestions first. LOL

Life took a funny turn for me recently. My best friend from high school flew down to spend a week with us before we all drove back together. Being we hadn't spent much time together since reconnecting, I think the visit went really well. I thought she was comfortable around us.

About a week ago, we were on the phone and she told me able a dinner date her and her hubby went on with another couple. Then proceeds to tell me about the conversation. That her hubby opened it with the comment that she had just spent a week with two lesbians. Then the questions began. Did you switch sides, did you join in, did...
Things that should have never been asked, but were. She didn't say anything. In my opinion, she wasn't a friend. She should have stopped the conversation, walked away if that is what it took. Am I wrong?
I am hurt and upset. Knowing she would allow those conversations to take place really disappoints me. I don't know how to handle it. I have sent her a message telling her it hurt, that I don't know what to do with this. That I feel like she disrespected me and allowed others to disrespect me by not saying anything. By allowing it to happen, she approved of it.
Am I going to lose a friend? is she a true friend if she is only a friend when she is in my presence?

Summer is over, school is beginning...

tomorrow.

Classes begin full time tomorrow. I do not feel ready. I was in my classroom, no where near as much as I would like to have been. I finally got it presentable on Saturday. Yes, I said Saturday. I took the younger three with me and spent several hours there putting the finishing touches on it. The classroom is ready for students to walk in, I am not so sure I am though.

I do not have the lesson plans set out and ready, not yet. I have them, just need to post them and prep for them. Make sure I have read up on the topic of the day, made power points, copied off things, etc ect.

I know I am harder on myself, than anyone else is, but if I am not tough on me, I will slack off.

I am looking forward to the school year and dreading it all at the same time. I have three subjects I have to prep for, what if I can't do it? What if I can't keep them straight? I know I am going to have good days and bad days. My hope is I have more good than bad. That I find my sea legs, so to speak, that I am able to find the time to do everything I need to get done. To remember to make the calls home, to document, document, document. Make sure I don't let things slip too far.

I wish for patience, knowledge, and peace to be able to reach each student that walks into my room and educate them all to the very best of my abilities and to challenge them to reach their full potential, yet not challenging to the point where they shut down.

Back to work

I am in the business of saving lives!

This is what we were informed of today. Once I thought about it, I could see it. I not only teach my students about my content area, I teach them about life. I do everything I can to introduce them to the many different options out there. Many students think that they are stuck in a mold that has been preset for them. They need to know they have choices. The only thing holding them back is themselves. They need to have the drive to succeed.

I am now teaching three different subjects this year. I have less than a week to prepare. I am worried I won't be, but I will do everything I can to be ready. We have trainings all this week and will only have Friday and Saturday to prepare my classroom. The new classroom where I only currently have one full bin unpacked. A bin of books. Maybe more tomorrow can be squeezed in, maybe.

A week in review

So this past week I have been getting to know a friend from high school. Its been a long and interesting week.

Currently we are traveling back for our high school reunion. I didn't realize how different adding one additional person to our traveling would make. Since we are relearning each other and my family has only known her a short time, the usual gel that happens between friends of 20 plus years isn't there yet as easily as it should be.

A visitor is amongst us

This week my best friend from high school is visiting us. She flew in on Thursday and will be driving back with us on Wed. Yes, driving back. We will have an 18 hour drive ahead of us. We are all going. She is going home and home is where are 20th Class Reunion is being held.

It is hard for me to believe it has been 20 years since I graduated high school. I had so much going on during my life at that time I don't remember much.

I volunteered to put together a slide show of pictures for the reunion. It has been fun putting it together.

We have been doing the sight seeing thing since M has been here. I am so tired! But a good tired. Stayed up until 3am yesterday talking to her. We have so much to talk about, so many gaps to fill in, yet we feel comfortable with each other still. It is hard to believe it has been 18 years since we last had any time together to talk... to be friends.

We have both said it took too long to get back in touch. I missed her being in my life.

Today's rant

Dallas Parks and Recreation has some very intelligent people employed with them. They decided that placing stainless steel playground equipment at the parks around the city would be a great idea. Hmmmm.... didn't a single person stop to think that the weather there... HOT HOT and STEAMING HOT, would make the playground equipment a hazard? Guess not!

http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/news/localnews/stories/DN-totlot_30met.ART.Central.Edition1.2a06a00.html

Got an email today!
Not just any email, but an email from my principal. Seems the master schedule is being changed!!!!! Go figure, I still don't know for sure what I am teaching. WTF!!! So there is a chance I have been prepping for classes that, yet again, I won't be teaching. I am going to continue working on the lesson plans. I am going to assume that I will be teaching the same subjects. I have to - I need sanity.
Then I learned I go back to work on Friday the 13th! What brilliant individual thought that would be a great idea? Lets bring the teachers back on the 13th!
Forget that! I am going into work on the 12th just because.

Visitor coming soon

On Thursday I am driving to San Antonio to pick up a high school friend of mine. She is going to be here for a week before the family and I, along with her, drive back to Iowa to attend my 20th class reunion. I don't know what I am more nervous about.
I do know there are still some things around the house before the visit and definitely before I go back to work.

TARGET SUCKS!!

I found a new website gayrights.change.org
http://gayrights.change.org/petitions/view/demand_target_stop_donating_to_anti-gay_politicians

Target gave money to a group that supports anti-gay rights.

Won't be going into a Target anytime soon!

Summer is almost over?

Tell me it isn't so!!

Yesterday I was talking with K and it hit me, I only have about three weeks of vacation left. THREE!!!

I haven't even begun to work, seriously, on my lesson plans. I have so much left to do around the house. I did finish the master bathroom... FINALLY!! I had promised K I would do it a long time ago and finally finished it. I also put the floor in the master closets, the closet in the hallway, and have begun putting shelves in that closet too. Something K has wanted done as well. I have too, it just take a slight kick in the butt for me to do it.

Today I have things to do as well. I made me a list. Lets see what I can get done.

Click the play button.

Get a Voki now!

Not finishing what they start

How do I get the older kids to finish things they start? To not half azzz things.
I have fought this problem on several fronts and am now just to the point that it frustrates the hell out of me. It angers me.

The lawn, never gets fully finished, small projects, again never finished. Cleaning, laundry... there is a list of things. I just want them to finish what they start.

In a week, a friend of mine from high school is flying in for a visit. She will be here for a week and then we are driving back for our class reunion. I want to make sure the house is ready for a guest. Trying to get some of the little things around the house done. I don't think that is too much to ask. I have a few things I need to get done. Projects I have been putting off.

I have gotten a few things done. Put flooring down in our closets and am almost finished with the flooring in the bathroom. Only one spot left and that is because I have to cut more hardy backboard and it has rained, so I cannot go outside to cut it. I also need to finish the small closet in the front of the house so we can begin using it. I am finishing the floor and putting in shelves.

I just need to head to Lowes tomorrow.

Why doesn't someone just.....

Hire me!! I know I am very fortunate to have a job. There are millions out there who do not have jobs. So I am thankful I do have one, really. I would just like to move my job to a state that is more respectful of our lives.

There have been a couple of things over the past month that have made it very obvious that this state is one we should leave when the opportunity arises. (Thus the reason I am trying to find the opportunity.)

My school district pulled K's health insurance. No warning, just dropped her. I was paying the premiums, not them. But since they do not recognize same-sex partners she is not allowed to stay on my health insurance.

Then, there is the case of the moronic mother who allowed her son to be starved. This has nothing to do with us. Neither of us is involved in the case in any way. However, the woman happens to be a lesbian. Better yet, a lesbian who cheats on her girlfriend with a guy. The residents of this great area are tearing her apart online, not because she is a dumbass mom, but because she is a lesbian. What is worse is that they are making comments about lesbians in general. They should not be allowed to live, that all lesbians sleep with men to get pregnant, all the normal and abnormal crap they love to scream about and against the GLBT community.

This community is intolerant, unaccepting, and downright IGNORANT.

I have had an interview with the Des Moines Community School District and can only hope something pops up soon. If nothing comes up by the end of next week we are going to have to face the fact that we are here for the next 2 years.

No options after all

The interview has come and gone and the email stating that the position has been filled has been received. Again I am passed up for a position. I am not sure why, but I know my self esteem took yet another hit.

An opportunity??

Yesterday I received a call from a school district in Iowa. Total surprise!! I spoke with the principal for about 30 minutes and he set up a telephone interview with me for tomorrow to include the department chair in the conversation.

There are several pros in this opportunity. 1) the state recognizes us! 2) it will include a pay raise! 3) we will get to a place where there is more than two seasons a year.

There a pro/con: family will be closer.

There are a couple of cons: if this happens it will happen FAST. We won't have much time to think things through and will have to thoroughly think things through very quickly. What about our house? Do we have the cash to make the move?

How do we get the cash to make the move? What expenses can we cut immediately to help us put the money aside we will need. What about Liz? She isn't ready to be fully on her own. The issues with the insurance company from the accident hasn't been cleared up yet, heck they haven't even started yet. She has at least one more visit left with the orthopedic before she finds out if she might have to have surgery.

The students I have here I have grown close to. It will be tough to leave them.

I am excited and nervous. We have a chance to begin a new chapter of our life, if this happens.

I have to get through this interview tomorrow. I must prepare for tomorrow's interview. get some things out to refer to during the meeting. I need to focus, calm down, and be ready.

Happy Birthday to me!!

Its my birthday, why don't I feel like partying?

I am not stupid

My ex has retired from the Navy. Thus he is making less money. I get it. So he thought it would be a great idea to petition the state to review his child support payments before he retired, ie while he was still making money. The result.... his request to lower his payments was denied because he was still making money. Not my problem.

He moves to Arkansas - not my fault. He chooses to not use the training the Navy gave him to make good money, but to go to school to change fields. Again - not my fault.

He asks me to agree to lower the child support. Like I didn't see this coming. Then he hounds me. Somehow he seems to think that being a jerk is going to make me run out to sign papers. He needs to learn a little about trying to get what you want.

He get the kids for a month. He asks that I bring them half way. I don't have to do this, but he assumes I will. Trying to be nice, for the kids, I do. He gives me the paperwork. It is WRONG!! However, he expects me to just initial the mistakes and sign them. I AM NOT STUPID!! I am not signing incorrect paperwork.

I make the corrections and send them to his lawyer. He has proceeded to give me crap and act like a jerk about it. Ok, so what part of this did he miss? I do not have to sign them. I can force him to go all the way to a full court hearing where I can prove he is under employed. Yet he is going to be a jerk. Hmmm. Last text msg I sent told him that he is going to give me crap for something his lawyer screwed up and I am just going to sit here and smile because it isn't my fault. I said I would sign correct paperwork.

My kids are up there right now. I don't want him being an ass to them, which he has been known to do. They call me most nights and I don't want him pulling any crap with them about calling home. I am trying to be nice when all I want to tell him is to stop being an ass because I don't have to agree to jack. I can only be nice so many ways before I want to be a total *itch and tell him to back off or I sit on them, once they are fixed, until hell freezes over.

June has been....

an interesting month.

The school year ended, the kids started their first month long visit to their Dad, I went to Dallas for a week of training, I went on yet another interview, we learned of L's real spring grades, and now we have a tropical storm in the Gulf that we are making preparations for. There is a very good likely hood that we will be evacuating inland on Wednesday to escape a hurricane.

I miss the kids. C calls me almost every night so that we can continue our tradition of saying good night. Tonight he cried when he called me. He wants to know how much longer. 18 days. He has already been at Dad's for 10. Which is, honestly, 3 days more than he wanted to be there.

With this storm in the Gulf there are some issues we have to face in the next few days that honestly... SUCKS!! We have to pack up the van and the car. Make sure we have all of the items we can't replace - pictures, birth certificates, social security cards, marriage licenses, etc. Then if the evacuation is needed we will drive up to Austin and stay at a hotel there, hoping that our house isn't damaged, and if it is, that it is wind damaged and not water damaged because our flood insurance doesn't kick in until the 11th of July and well.... THAT WOULD SUCK!

Searching.... but for what, really?

I have been searching for a new job. Most of the time I can tell you where I am searching, but honestly its just out of here. Yes, I would prefer it to be near my hometown. I can't deny that. I would love to be closer to people that we can do things with.

My best friend from high school and I reconnected late last year and it has been nice to get to know her again. She knows all about Ker and I and basically said "I am glad you found someone who makes you happy." It doesn't bother her a bit that I am with another woman. I didn't get the "I'm ok with it" answer. She just asked the normal questions. How long have we been together? What happened with the ex? She knew him, so I wasn't surprised she asked.

My extended family is there. Though there is drama, its family drama that we have to get use to ignoring. LOL

One of the biggest pulls is that Ker and I are legal there. Fully married. The other stuff is honestly a bonus.

So why am I not able to get my foot in the door at a school district up there? What do I have to do to get a job offer? I have looked all over the western part of the state, every school district in a 10 county area. Nothing seems to be available right now. The two positions that were available - one I wasn't qualified for the other - they gave it to a coach.

So now I am here. Just here.

Thursday we drive up for the child exchange. Not funny. On Friday K and C begin the one month visit with their Dad out of state. Its going to be tough. I have never been away from them for more than a week. It will help that I gave K her first cell phone. She will be able to call and text whenever she wants.

It will help some that I leave Sunday and won't return until Friday evening for training in Dallas. Being away the first week they are gone may help, but they will still be gone when I get back here.

I want to be satisfied with staying where I am. Maybe that will come when I become more comfortable with the kids visiting their Dad. Maybe it will come when they return. Maybe it won't happen because I don't legally have a wife her in backassward state.

She's my wife - get over it.

School is over, where is my sanity?

The school year is over, when do I feel like me again?
I have been trying, for awhiler now, to get a position at a school someplace other than here. However, I seem to be getting nowhere very quickly. I have been asked to come for interviews and then I get the thanks, but no thanks.
Where am I screwing up? Thats my first thought. What am I missing?

The kids are going to visit their Dad, for a month, beginning on June 18th. I am trying not to let the emotions over take me, but you won't see me jumping up and down. They are up and down about going, and although I really want to say "Oh hell no they aren't going!" he is their Dad and he does care about them too. Once they go maybe my emotional state will level out.

I agreed to drive up to Dallas to meet him for the exchange. Thats on that's on the 18th and then I have to drive back up with a group of teachers on June 20th. I will be there the 20th through the 25th. I am really not looking forward to spending a week with them. I have been assigned a roommate that I would rather not each lunch with let alone sleep in the same hotel room with for five nights.

It is summer, where is my sanity? When do I begin to feel less stress? I am not quite sure. I am going to find those projects around the house i have been putting off and start tackling them. There is the back deck to finish, the half bath floor a few tiles left to be finished, and I can begin cross stitchin and quilting again. First thing I am doing is repacking some of my school crap and taking it up to the storage unit to get it out of my sight for the next two months.

Bias continues!

My students produced this documentary for a history contest. They interviewed several individuals and worked long and hard on it. They went to competition today and were told it wasn't historical and were told it didn't prove their point about Prop 8. Please note - Prop 8 is NEVER EVER mentioned in the video.

They were denied a slot to continue on to state competition due to judge's bias. I went to the director and though she agreed that I made my point and the proof is there that it was obvious bias, that by rules, judges decisions are final.
She continued that she knows there are things that need to be improved upon for next year, but she couldn't help us. There was no recourse for us. We were shafted! I admit, I cried. I felt and feel helpless. My students are being punished for something neither they or I can control. They deserved to move on to state.
I am proud of them!

Grant me patience, PLEASE

Our 18 yr old daughter is home for the semester due to a November car accident she was in. She has an injured leg that is requiring physical therapy and visits with the orthopedic for the next several months.
Somewhere along the line she also seems to have injured her personality and I swear her intelligence. I am not trying to be mean, but I am having a very difficult time dealing with her "issues."

I say "issues" because I understand the physical injury. It wasn't her fault. She didn't do anything to put herself in harms way. She didn't step out in front of traffic, didn't try bungee jumping, rock climbing, parachuting, or uni-cycling. She was the back seat passenger of a vehicle that was stopped in traffic and was then rear ended by a dumb ass college student, in an F-150, who, at 70 mph did not see the dozens of red rear lights of the traffic that was stopped ahead of her. When this dumb ass finally realized there were stopped vehicles she used the vehicle our daughter was in to make a sudden and violent stop.

Since then L has been very difficult to deal with. I don't know how many times I have seen her cry, not just from pain, but from the why me question. The pity party she has thrown for herself is now reaching into its fourth month. She has not been able to mentally get past this. I am at a loss to be of any help. In fact, I have gone into retreat.

She has turned on people her at home. She is, for the lack of other words, bitchy. She has yelled at the younger kids, said things she doesn't need to say, and is just rude and bitchy. I am tired of the attitude that we are here to supply her with all her wants and needs and that she is incapable of doing things because she is in a boot. She can still walk around. She will claim, and has claimed, she can't. I have, at that point, reminded her of the 18 to 24 year olds who are returning from Iraq and Afghanistan in wheelchairs who would love to be able to change places with her. The ones without the leg to repair, over time, in a boot.

I have grown short with her. I do not want any part of her pity party. K says she is going to go see her counselor. I personally think a good ass kicking would be just as helpful.

She wasn't doing well in college last fall. She didn't say a word to us about it. Never asked for help, never warned us. When the shit began to hit the fan she then tried to lie about it. I am so over her crap. It has been on continuous problem. Ok, its not one problem, but several problems that have become intertwined and are a big pain in the ass.

I ask for patience. I ask for internal wisdom and guidance - because right now I am lost.

What a week!

The History Day competition is fast approaching. My students are coming down to the wire for deadline. I am putting in longer hours at school, but so are they.

I hate having to spend so much time away from home, but I love it when things start clicking and the students interest is sparked. The are really starting to throw this documentary together. The ideas are flowing. I just hope they are able to edit it well.

Back to school

I have returned to school. One of the things that I have to do for my Psychology and Sociology classes is to read articles and write reaction papers and critical analysis's of them.

The very first article I chose to do a reaction paper to is very near and dear to me. http://www.newsweek.com/id/229957

I loved the way this article tore apart the conservative arguments against gay and lesbians being able to be married.

The big argument behind the conservative push to keep same-sex couples from getting married is that same-sex couple marriages would ruin the institution of marriage. Everyone from Jay Leno to the corner store cashier have said something to the effect of "Let them be as miserable as we are, let them get married."

Not allowing same-sex couples to marry has not helped society. It also hasn't helped the economy. Same-sex couples, in most states, cannot jointly own property without jumping through MANY MANY legal hoops. Insurance is another huge issue, as is retirement funding.

I love this quote: "We've been demonized so long that the reality is when we actually do come out, so much of the fear evaporates," said Jones.

A new twist

This next semester will be a little different for us than last semester.

L has learned she will not be able to return to College Station just yet. She has to undergo a lot of physical therapy on her leg and there is no way she will be able to do all of this on her own and be at the University. So we have another warm body at home.

It is going to be a hectic semester. More for Ker than for me for the most part. I am taking two courses online through the local college in order to finish the requirements for my full Iowa license. Ker is also taking two grad classes. So she is taking L to all of her appointments, taking N to all of his appointments, K and C to their monthly appointments, going to her appointments, and then handling grad classes. What else did I miss? Her plate is pretty full.

Her classes are night classes, which stinks to a point because that's when I am actually home, but it gets her out of the house and gives her some adult connections other than myself. I know she needs it, craves it. She does seem to enjoy the classes she takes, even when she complains.

The second semester is beginning soon and today is a teacher's work day. I would rather be home. it's raining, its cold, and Ker is sitting at home. However, I do know I will get more work done her and I am trying to prepare for this next semester. The more I get done now the less I have to scramble later. At least that is the thought and hope.

Happy New Year!

I can hardly believe it is 2010 already - and I'll be heading back to school from our holiday break soon.
I have really, really enjoyed the time off this year. I am one of those people who seem to have a hard time around the holidays. I don't go through the why am I here stuff, I just seem to be an emotional roller coaster. This year, I think I did better than in year's past. I hope I did.

I have gotten back into sewing. Made a blanket for, or in the process of finishing up, every one of our kids. Ker is really supportive of it, and it does seem to relax me. Do I get irritated when something doesn't go quite like I planned? Yes. But I know I can fix it. I am proud of the little creations that I can give them. Sounds nuts to some, but it means something. I have always been thankful to have something my grandmother made.

There is a "tradition" of resolutions for the New Year. I have never really taken them seriously because it seems those who go out of their way to make a resolution doom themselves to failure. It is as if they are only making the declaration to be public about it and not because it is something they truly intend to continue or truly need to do.

Before the New Year came about I proclaimed that I intend to live healthier, to watch my weight, to handle the stress of teaching better, and to be a better mom and wife. I am fortunate to have the family I have, as rough as things might get at times, they are my family and I am very blessed.

I have a great wife. She is loving, caring, cuddly, and puts up with my hijinks. I love to see her smile, truly smile and I have seen her smile more during these last few months than I can recall in the last year or so.

My marriage has had its share of up and downs. I am very thankful to be able to say we weather the downs together much better than we did before. We are a stronger couple, a better partnership, than we were just six months ago.

My own biological daughter is about to turn 13. I ask for the wisdom to see us through her teen years without putting a huge wall between us. I look forward to watching her grow as much as I cry at the thought of her growing up.

My New Year's resolution: keep going into the positive direction I have been working on going in. Don't forget where we were; I don't want to return there. Realize that no matter how difficult things may be outside this house, that when I come home it is all worth it.

My family, my life, my love, my wife.