18 already?

Tomorrow our eldest turns 18. Now R is K's biological son, so she has been around him a few years longer than I. I inherited him after the diaper changing, burping, colicky, snot noses, time to learn to ride a bike stage, by none the less he is our eldest. I came into his life right after he turned 9. Hard to believe it has been that long.

R and I have not always gotten along well. In fact there have been quite a few rough patches. He's never been to pleased with me being around and I haven't been too pleased with his attitude. I genuinely worry that he doesn't know enough about the basics. The little things, like changing a tire, putting air into one (yes, I am being honest here. We have learned he may not know how to put air into a tire.) I have had many discussions with K - some of them a little heated - on the fact that R doesn't quite know how to use elbow grease to get things done. Mind you, he isn't a book worm or a science geek by any form of the word, but he has this attitude that someone else can handle it.

Actually its the attitude that it is someone else's problem and if it is trully mine I will pay someone to do it for me. This BUGS me. ALOT!! He did not pick this up from me, nor K. In fact I do a lot of the work around the house myself, whenever possible. The new dishwasher, stove, water heater, and washer/dryer was all installed without calling a repair man. Why pay them when you can do it yourself is my thought.

I wouldl ike to say that R willingly helps out around the house, but he doesn't. Which leads me to the other part of his attitude. It isn't my problem - I don't have to help anyone. He has this attitude that he doean't have to or won'tjust help out. I don't get it, nor do I know how to help it.

So now, in 45 minutes he is 18. What changes? I am not sure. K feels a bit older right now. She isn't ready for him to be 18. I feel, well, like somewhere we missed something.

R and I don't have a great relationship - unfortunately, we most likely never will. There were too many things against us. His being a child who needed to dislike anything and anyone that burst that dream that his parents would get back together didn't help. His father talking crap only made it worse.

My hope is that he turns 18 gracefully. That he doesn't try to be a big bad adult too soon and pulls the "I'm a man" jeans on very slowly. That he learns the little things before he realizes he missed them when it costs him more than he can afford and that at some point he realizes that I wasn't such a bad person after all. That I only tried to help, that I cared enough to stay when I never had to.