Back to reality...

We are home again. Reality has returned... some. I am determined not to let things stress me as they have in the past. It won't be easy, but I am such a better person of I don't allow things to get to me. I want to be able to enjoy Christmas.

I have started making another quilt. I finished a blanket already and have started on one for our room. Its a little more detailed than I have attempted before, but I want to try.

Visit to Austin

We are in Austin. We were finally able to get a coupe of days away together, just the two of us. My Holiday Break began Friday and runs through the 4th of Jan. The younger two are spending a couple of days with the father, so we are taking the chance to get away. Just the two of us. We are doing some shopping, some looking around, but basically we are just spending time together, alone, without any children. It is AWESOME!!

OMG, what a week! What happened to vacation?

Where do I even begin with this past week? I really want to know what happened to vacation? I need a vacation from my vacation.

Tuesday K went to the doctor for her blood test results. Seems she may have something called Haroshima's Syndrome. It has to do with her thyroid. If she does have it, many things would be explained. She could begin taking medicine and maybe things would get seriously better.
So Tuesday we are trying to digest what we have learned about K's health and we get a call from our eldest daughter. She has been in a car accident.

This is a big deal seeing that she isn't just around the corner for us to go to her side. She is 4 hours away. Thats 4 hours of a constant 70 -75 mph mind you.

She was in the back right seat of a car that was hit, while at a full stop, by a truck doing 70mph. Hit on the back right side mind you. She was trapped in the car for a bit because the front seat collapsed on her leg, pinning her.

Thankfully her brother is going to the same university, and although he was at work once he found out what was going on he left work and beat her to the hospital.

She is doing well. She is in a lot of pain. Her left leg and lower back received the most damage. Nothing is broken, but it may have been easier for it had it been. There are few spots on her leg that does not have bruising. We brought her home.

There was no way she was going to be able to climb into her 6 ft loft bed or get around on her own, which is what staying would have required. We brought her home to helo her heal faster and better.

We brought her home, for peace of mind.

Move update....

Still not happening any time soon, but there seems to be some movement in my favor.

I spoke with the licensing department in the state we want to move to and they have everything except my fingerprints. Those were sent out last week so they should be getting them very soon. Once that is done I will be able to say I am licensed to teach there.

One of the things I have to clear up, quickly, is what I will be certified to teach. I am two classes shy of being all social sciences there. TWO!! I could take them in the spring, but I want to make sure I will be able to add it to my license without problems.

The next good thing was an email from the principal of the school I want to teach at. He is very interested in my credential and once the budget issue clears up I should be getting called in for an interview. I hate interviews. I need to make sure I get some practice at them between now and then.

Vacation.... Day 1

Today I slept in later than I have in a long while. Thank babe. I needed it.

Now the day starts... what shall I do. I have a list of things I could do, but there is a very very very short list of things that I actually want to do.

K says I can just take the day off. Do what ever. That sounds awesome, but lazy as hell. I know I should do something productive. Playing Cafe World is in my day, but what else?

I think I am going to do some more cross stitching today. I am also seriously thinking about working on another quilt. I haven't made one since I did the one for L before she left for college. the update on that is that it is confortable as all get out. She has used in on her away trips as well as uses it in her dorm room. I have to admit that makes me feel pretty damned good.

For now I think I will work on the cross stitching of the baby blanket I started before school started back up and then see where the day takes me.

I know I am scheduled to do some bedroom painting this break and we are going to be going up to see L and R for Thanksgiving. L has a football game she has to be at and the Corps is having a Thanksgiving Day meal for Corps members and their families.

Lesson planning will be thrown into the mix at some point, just not right now.

Time for some relaxation where is it?

Our Thanksgiving Break has officially begun. The week I have off will be spent doing this around the house and doing some lesson planning. Getting all caught up on lessons and post them online, as required, and prep for the month we have between now and Christmas Break.

It has been a stressful couple of weeks. After a rough time, as a couple, we have finally gotten back to a happy place. I know, I have trivialized it, but rehashing it all honestly seems pointless. Some positives did come out of all of the stress. K finally made an appointment for the doctor and went. we received some unexpected results. Her EKG shows an oddity and she needed further tests. The fear that something was seriously wrong scared the hell out of us both. The wait to get into the cardiologist was horrendous.

K has gone to the cardiologist. She had a sonogram of her heart done and then a stress test. Her heart is healthy! The oddity on the EKG was nothig more than that.

When she went to the doctor she had many vials of blood taken in order to have a series of tests done. She is being tested for everything from anemia to diabetes, to thyroid and graves disease. The other huge thing she is being tested for are her allergies. We get to learn what it is she is truly allergic to. She has allergies, no one can deny that, I just want to know what are they for sure.

Feeling like...

Today I have an appointment with the doctor. I hate going to the doctor honestly, but I have no choice. I have been getting progressively worse this past week, and last night I think I kept K awake coughing. I believe I have bronchitis.

I have had it before. It isn't anything new. I had hoped in the beginning that it was just a cold that would pass, but no.

K has gone to the doctor to have some tests run. She has been having some issues and they are checking everything out. Taking lots of blood from her, doing x-rays, and of course the questions. K is a very unique medical case. She is allergic to many many things, so many thing she is almost not sure what she isn't allergic to. The non-allergic list seems to be shorter. They took the blood, took the x-ray, and now we wait. Hoping to get some good news.

Nothing new on the job front. I have sent in all of the paperwork, except for fingerprints, to the state for my teaching license. I must find someplace that will do my fingerprints for me on this card they provided and then send it and the $60 in. Finding the time to get the fingerprinting done is the problem. I am not worried that anything will pop up. Really. I don't have a record beyond speeding tickets.

I am sick. I am tired. I really wishing I could just go home and veg.

The verdict is...

budget cuts! I have become a victim of budgets cuts. Not my current job, thankfully, but the prospective position. It is currently on hold pending budget reallocation. There has been a 10% cut across the board on their budget and they are holding off filling that particular position until they come to terms with the budget. I am ok with it. When the time is right we will get our chance. I was very fortunate to have positive contact with the individuals in charge of things there and I can only hope that when the time is right they will get back with me. I will be watching their website for any changes.

Another week about to begin....

and I still do not know where I stand with the new job prospect.

I am also at odds with the idea of being closer to my extended family. I have only told two members of my family, by now I know a couple more know by now, but I am beginning to wonder if its what it is what it is cracked up to be.

I took a step. I have applied for and feverishly gone after a position back in my hometown. I have a couple of friends who have been very happy at the prospect of me and my family coming back into town on a permanent basis. My father was genuinely happy when I told him. My sister, who would be living about 5 hours from me, was happy.

Reality bites.

My step-sister, of only 20 years, is being written about in the city newspaper. An article about her and breast cancer. She is fast approaching her 5 years in remission anniversary. This is cancer awareness week so it makes sense to highlight a positive outcome. Its an awesome thing. The problem... no one told me. Not even a mention of it. Why?

The first thought - its just me. No big deal. She doesn't want to know, she isn't involved, she doesn't care. Wrong on all accounts. They don't know me.

That is one thing I keep trying to remind myself. They don't really know me. I have been away for 20 years next year. I didn't grow up in my Dad's home. I shouldn't assume.... they do that enough.

I am confused.

Moving?

To move or not to move.... are we going to be given the chance to ask the question?

I am originally from the midwest. K from the east coast. we were both brought to Texas through the Navy, but we are happy to have had the chance because we met each other and have a great relationship.

We have been thinking about making a move for a very long time. When there has been an opening in other places, we really take a look to see if we should try to move.

Recently a position has come open in the town I grew up in. I have applied for the position. I have had some contact with the district and we are looking at the what ifs. We are not jumping up and down, whooping and hollering. What we are doing is taking a wait and see stance.

Wait and if... then what? Scary words.

A new opportunity...

There is a position open in the school district I attended as a child. In fact, it is at the high school I went to. We are seriously considering moving if the position is offered to me.

I have received two emails regarding the position already, one from the Executive director of HR and the other from the principal of the high school himself. I had emailed my letter of interest and my resume to him. I let him know that not only am I an a alum, but so is my father and several other family members.

One of the driving forces behind the move is that it would take us to a state in which K and I would have the full rights that come with being married. I would be able to provide her health care, we both would be able to not worry about what if the other ends up in the hospital, we would both be legally listed on the forms for our kids at the schools. Another force is the feelings of instability for us here. Recently it has been pushed to the forefront how unequal we are here. A same sex couple (a lawyer and a judge), in the next town over have been out into the limelight because of their relationship. It has been published that they have been together for 3 years, that they live in the same home, own no property together, yet call each other their partner. The lawyer was forced to resign her position because it was being argued that there was a conflict of interest because of this relationship. The fact of the matter is that there are several married couples who are never investigated for this and yet when the lawyer excused herself from a case involving her partners parents suing the city because of an accident with a city vehicle she is investigated for a possible conflict of interest. This is so wrong.

I work in the school district. K is working on her masters degree, but will be in a school district as well. Do we need to worry about this? Should we even have to worry about this? The answer is no - but we still do. We have to worry about stupid shit that "legally" married couples do not have to worry about.

Moving won't "fix" any problems, but moving to a state in which we are legally protected will sure make fighting stupidity easier.

Arguments

Is there such a thing as productive arguments? Arguments that do not undermine the relationship?

Is there a way to disagree and not be destructive?

I am searching for a way to be able to disagree/argue and not screw with the relationship. I have tried to go beyond the type of person I was in arguments of past. It has not been easy to change my bad habits.

I am that type of person that I will hold things in until they get to a point that I feel like I will bust. I don't want to be like that. It is destructive to me as well as my relationships. I have tried to be more "blunt." That is to say what I feel then and there and not let it build to the point that I am boiling over and cannot communicate effectively.

My last relationship I let everything go until that point. I let the little shit build up. I didn't step up and say I don't like this. Emotionally it destroyed me, but it was the way I saw things were suppose to be. Its small let it go. Its nothing big - let him have his way. What's the harm - it makes him happy.

Part of that continues. It makes her happy - let it go. Its nothing huge, let it go. I have tried to stop letting things get to a boiling point. To that point in which all the anger and hurt I have buried comes rushing out. Where the words I am trying to find to explain how I feel won't come out.

I feel like an emotional ping pong ball. Its not fair to without normal communications or walk around the house ignoring someone because they said something you disagree with. That is emotional blackmail. The silence is deafening. The point is clear. I am wrong - I say so and all is better. What about when I am not wrong?

What about then?

Random

It has been a while since I last posted. Getting back to school has made life busy here. I found out I wasn't going to be teaching my AP class and things got busy after that. I had classes to prep for that I hadn't had before.

L left for college... she is in the Corps of Cadets at Texas A&M. She is having a tough time, but she is doing well. She loves the band. Something we knew she would like. We took her up there on the 19th to check in and then we went back up a week later to see the whole unit during their step off and to have dinner with her.

We haven't been able to make it to an actual game, but I search for the half time show performance on You tube every Sunday morning.

Life is different without L here. We adjusted pretty quickly when R and M left last year. They were already in and out a lot due to school, sports, jobs, and girlfriends. L was different. Being younger she was a little less mature and hung around home a lot more. We were more dependent on her being here than we realized. We could leave the house and have a quick dinner together without worrying much. We could head into town to go shopping. We were able to talk to her.

I am proud of the path she has chosen, but I do miss her.

Renovation.... 101

This past week has been tough, physically and mentally.

I learned my AP class has been taken from me and I through myself into renovating the half bath. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but the carpet that was in there was pulled out, some hardi-backer was put down, and then tile went on top of that. Next thing to happen was the electrical plug was replaced and the light fixture updated. The one we had in there was the builder grade dressing room in your face type. Very annoying. Today a new paint job is happening. We would like to replace the mirror if possible and and some point the vanity itself.

The other thing going on is the pool. Trying to get the pool chemically set to allow the kids to jump in. It has been VERY hot here and having the pool up and running would be really good for them.

We are going to put in new mailbox this weekend as well. Someone has been messing with our mailbox and we are going to stop that problem now.

Mentally - hmmm lets see. The AP class thing was a blow. However, I will get over at some point.
L turning 18 has been tough. She and I have been ramming our heads together this summer. She is preparing to go into the Corps of Cadets, yet she isn't preparing. She has lagged on doing what needs to be done. That is everything from starting to run to checking on how to get access for her grandfather to help pay her tuition bill. I have, well had, been trying to push her along. Back in June K said stop. So I did. Then in July, L freaks out on us that no one cares, no one has helped, yada yada yada. K explains that she complained I bitched at her so much that she had me stop. L says what did you do that for? Catch 22. That's what it is. So I start pushing her along some more.

About 3 days ago she gets irked again. So I stop altogether. I have had enough. Enough of the disrespect. enough of the bitching, enough of the door slams, so I stopped talking to her. Done - finito, finished. I don't want the constant bickering in the house. I want the house to be peaceful again. I miss that.

Friends?

While I was growing up, prior to the divorce of my parents, I had a solid blue collar life. I moved a couple times, but I don't remember worrying about things.

I had one consistent set of friends. A brother and sister that I can, to this day, remember having been around my family since before I can remember. Their parents were friends with my parents. My Dad and their Dad worked together at the bakery before the bakery shut down.

After my parents divorce, things were different. Dad got the friends in the divorce and Mom liked to keep the kids from Dad.

After the divorce I lost touch with those two. Ever so often I would be able to meet up with them, but my life had drastically changed. I was no longer the kids from a blue collar family. I was now the oldest child of a family on welfare. The oldest child of a mother who couldn't seem to find someone to love her.

I got the short end of the stick growing up. There are people who had it much worse that I did. I do realize that. However I have also come to realize that I do not make friends well. I do not seem to socialize well. I do ok - but I could have done better.

My childhood is my past. It is something I cannot get rid of, but also something I do not want to define me now. How do I reconcile the past and continue on without feeling the loss of something?

What a month!

In this past month we have been to Iowa, stayed ten full day, came home to missing mail, and ants invading our a/c unit. Yes, ants can interrupt the proper mechanical function of an air conditioning unit.

We went up to Iowa to spend some time with my family. Thought it would be a great thing. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't what we thought it would be either. I really did enjoy spending time with my nieces and nephews. It was the first time I was able to meet a couple of them and it was nice.

We spent the first few days on the east side of Iowa and then headed to the West side of Iowa to spend some time with the other side of the family and visit some friends that I hadn't seen in awhile. Which was really nice.

I was able to talk to the one cousin that I was the closest to growing up. We exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch better than we have before. Which will be really nice. So much has changed.

I was also able to visit two of my uncles who were able to give me information regarding my family trees. I was able to fill in some blanks that I thought I had hit brick walls with.

Next on my agenda is to finish my syllabi for this coming school year, fix the pool, and finish the blanket I started maing for my youngest sister's soon to be newest child. (She can stop having children until she marries someone now!)

Vacations and extended family = oil and water

Vacations.... is there really such a thing?

We have been away from home since last Thursday and I am more tired now than I was last week. A vacation does not mean you will rest. A vacation means you will leave the comfort of your own bed and hope you have some fun along the way and make some great memories.

What was I thinking coming to visit extended family? Did I really think they would look at me differently? Treat me differently?

I had hoped. My head knows better - my heart only aches for acceptance.

Summer...

Summer is in full swing. We are back home and trying to decide what needs to get done around the house.

The pool isn't done yet. Still needs cleaned. The yard needs mowed and there are a few small jobs around the house that really need to be done. For me the idea is to get the kids involved in getting some of these things done. I am not sure they like that idea.

I have to begin planning for the school year as well. I am honestly a bit lazy about doing that because I do not want to begin planning for something that I may not teach. That would be a complete waste of time for me. Why prepare for something I will not be teaching?

L is now on her own for prepping for the Corps of Cadets. After mush discussion we have decided that she needs to prepare for this on her own. She wants to fight us all the way. She doesn't know if she likes the help or hates the help. So we aren't going to help her at all with it. If she wants this she is going to have to work for it. It is something she needs to be fighting for herself. We won't be there in the fall.

K and I are really looking at the Houston area for a move. Right now I think we are just looking for a move to an area we don't feel so claustrophobic. We want to be able to be out more. I am nervous that moving isn't gong to solve as many problems as we hope it will. Maybe I am woorried about nothing, but the concerns are there. there is a concern that stay here is just as bad.

June 2009

This has been a very interesting week on many levels.

On a personal level I spent more days away from the family than I am use to. I spent five days in Houston for training and the family came up on Wednesday. K took the kids to the children's museum up there. I spent time in the classrooms of Rice University and visited Hindi and Muslim houses of worship. The hope is that having visited these places will allow us to be able to teach with some personal touches.

The kids were also able to use the hotel pool. They seemes to enjoy the couple days they had up there.

K and I are looking at the real possibility of making a move up there since it seems so hard to get into the Austin area. I have a couple of friends in different districts in the Houston region. One district in particular has an opening at one of the high schools and a friend has passed on my information to people she knows and the hope is that I get a call for an interview.

K has been looking into the region a little more and has noticed there are a lot more activities for children in the area. She is researching to see where the better areas are to live.

On a different note it has been a week of losses in the world of celebrities. Ed MacMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, and Billy Mays. Wow! All four in less than a week's time. Rest in Peace all.

Houston

I am currently in Houston for a conference. I have been here since Monday and will be here for a few more days. I am tired. Have been waking up every morning before 7 and have not been able to get to sleep before 12 or 1am.

I am not sure if I am learning anything just yet. I will have to get back to you on that. I think I am getting information that I can use to find things to use.

The drive up here wasn't bad. On Monday I drove L over to TAMU. She had her audition for the TAMU band on Tues and we now have a member of the TAMU Corps Band in our family.

Yesteday K and our youngest three drove in to spend the last few days with me and we all drove over to pick up L. It is really nice to have everyone up here. Last night I was able to get a really good night of sleep with K in bed with me. I didn't fall asleep any earlier, but I slept deeper I think.

Today the conference I am in is in the computer lab for a bit before we head out to the Islamic Education Center. We are going to be learning more about the religions we teach about.

K is talking about taking the kids to the Children's Museum today. I wish I was going, but I am still glad that when I get back to the hotel room they will be around.

Houston....

Today I head to Houston for five days. Doesn't sound like a long time, but right now it feels like it.



L has her freshmen orientation days this week, so she is coming up with me and then I will drive her over tomorrow night. On Wednesday I will dive back over there to pick her up. Sound fun?



For the next five days I will be going to Rice University to learn all about AP Human Geeography. I am hoping to come away from it with more ideas, great ideas, and textbooks. Yes. textbooks. My district does not buy new textbooks until 2012 and the textbooks I have are already outdated. Money is not spent on my course even though my course is the first AP course students take in high school.

I know five days isn't much, but I hate being away. I have an actual vacation this summer. No working, something very unusal for me. Nice though. So being away for five days is odd.

Need to finish packing.

Another computer bites the dust

I have a new laptop. I can't believe it. I paid - get this - $0.00. I didn't pay a dime for it. The laptop I had up until yesteday decided to do a header into a abyss of a blackhole of a tantrum. I am not quite sure how else to explain its sudden refusal to boot up. I didn't do anything but try to take care of it. I updated it like a loving, caring owner, and it rejected the upgrade like a two year old throwing the mother of all tantrums. (That was just the beginning of this.)



I do the right thing; I chatted up HP. You've all heard of them I am sure. They happen to be the ones that created this now tantrum seized computer. I was able to get onto on of the other laptops we have to begin a chat session with their tech support. I assumed it would be easier to understand them through chat then on the phone. (Have you had to speak with tech support recently? Can you speak Hindu? If you can - GO YOU! Otherwise be prepared for a very frustrating conversation with someone who has a VERY thick accent.)



Things went well in the chat. Diagnosis: laptop BIOS is screwed we are sending you a box to ship the computer to us to fix. Awesome, cool. I will be without it for several days, but it'll get fixed. I give them my contact info, they give me my work order numbers, and my wait for the box begins. Wait for box begins.



I do a search for the delivery on Tuesday and it is out for delivery. Cool. K and I head to lunch and spend some time shopping. We get home about 4 hours later and no box. What the heck? So I get online and find my box has been delivered. Ummm no, it hasn't. so I call FedEx. Where's me box? Delivered. Nope. Not here. Its been delivered to.... Not my address!! WTF! It has miraculously ended up at an address we have had it the past - like 5 years ago. Before our house was built. How the hell?



So I call HP. Not chat. I get the man with the accent. I very nicely, at first, deal with him. I then after I had had more than enough of the circles we were going in I very firmly berated him and said told him to transfer me to his supervisor because he was only going to continue to upset me and I was only going to tell him to transfer me. The possibility of a productive conversation had obviously ended and he needed to transfer me. He continued... I said transfer me to your supervisor, thank you. He said something else.... tansfer me to your supervisor, thank you. I must have said it 5 times. K is in the background laughing.



Supervisor comes on. Tries to go through the questioning. I say.. Look, you know who I am and what the problem is. Your associate filled you in. I do not trust that your company will not lose my laptop. If my laptop had been in that box. Ma'm they would have had to sign for it. They would have signed for it and I wouldn't have my laptop. I gave your company the correct contact information, I have proof that I did because I have a copy of the chat session with the HP tech.

Again, I do not have trust in your company's ability to accurately deliver my laptop to me. You tell me how you are going to fix this problem.



He, of course, could not. The conversation ended with him promising to send me a new box and to expedite the repairs of the computer. This was Tuesday, it is now Friday. still no box.



Yesterday, I took my laptop, my chat session, and my frustrations with HP to Best Buy (where I purchased it) and asked for help. I am fortunate that I have an ex-student who works there and mentioned his name. He haas heard of my problems they day before and said just bring it in. If they lose it i get a new one. So I show them the chatm show them the laptop, mention G's name, and wait. Five minutes after looking at the chat and trying to get the computer to boot up, they say we'll just exchange it for a new computer. What? Huh? So cool! Score!



I now have a 17" screen HP ( I know, but I have the protection plan, so I insurance so to speak.) The new laptop has a number pad. It is larger than any other laptop I have had. It is going to take some time to get use to, but so far I like it.



Many other things have happend since the last time I wrote, but I will save that for later.

And summer continues...

Its summer. I feel a little lost, not having something structured to be doing. I have been working on some cross stitching and trying to clean out the pool.

Graduation Day

Our eldest daughter graduates today. The ceremony starts in an hour and a half. She is finishing up one part of her life and starting a whole new chapter. She isn't quite 18 yet, so she technically isn't an adult, but she is one step closer tonight.

It is funny and hard to deal with the evolving teen. We have one that has been in college a year now and is independent in all ways except monetary. Something he seems to feel is ok and yet it isn't. He feels as if he can come and go as he please, eat, live, and use the laundry facilities without chipping in. He doesn't mow the lawn when he is home, doesn't really do anything. I refuse to allow this to happen with the second one.

The oldest one, I wasn't around for the foundation years. Well, his foundation was set before K and I moved in together. With K's younger 2, its a different story. I am much more involved with them than I am with R. I look back and wonder if I could have done it differently, but i realize that is is pointless to look back for to long because the only thing that I will accomplish is giving myself a cramp in the neck muscles.

L has some growing up to do still - most of that will happen in the college years. I am looking forward to seeing her mature, but will miss her too.

The school year is, now what.

The school year is basically over. All that is left is for me to go back on Monday, pack up and lock up some loose things. I am waiting until Monday because tomorrow our eldest daughter graduates from high school and I want to focus on the family.

This year I learned a little on the admin side. Yes, I mean a little. I felt like a babysitter most of the time. I resigned my administrative duties in order to go back to being able to focus on my teaching. That is what I am really there for.

There is a lot of change on the horizon. A very good friend of ours is retiring and moving out of state. She has found love on the internet and is retiring from her teaching position in order to mover a very small town to be with him.
Our eldest daughter is graduating and will be heading off to college in August. She has chosen to join the Texas A&M Corps of Cadets in order to play in the band there. This is a very big step and will require discipline from her that she cannot even imagine at this point.
Our youngest daughter is going to be going to junior high in the fall. She is growing so fast. I have noticed a definite maturity emerging from her this past few months.

On a sad note our hair dresser, of 8 years, has suddenly passed. Lynne knew about our family and NEVER had a problem with it. She was more than a hair dresser, she was extended family. It was a blow to learn she passed and we missed the funeral. She was the only one to cut our families' hair during the past 8 years. We will miss you Lynne.

My mother-in-law is landing at the airport as I type this. K, L, and N are picking her up. I don't mind her visits, but its always difficult to watch K have to deal with her mom.

No more student's dirty looks....

It is official - the 2008 - 2009 school year is in the books. It is history. As of today the classes of 2008 - 2009 are finished. The only things left to do before fully closing out the books is to tally all the grades, turn in my gradebook, clean up my room, and leave the keys with the front office.

I am trying not to take home anymore than I have to. This means only taking home things that I need to prep for next school year. I know - I sound nuts. This school year isn't even fully finished yet and I am thinking about the fall. Its part of the business of wanting to be a good teacher. I want to look back at what this year was like, evaluate it, learn from it, and change what I can to make the class better for me and for the students.

The summer will start off with our eldest daughter's high school graduation. My mother-in-law is flying in, should be a real treat. (if we only had some strong narcotics to give her) L will be heading off to college in the fall. The summer will be filled with.... well I am not quite sure yet.

National Lesbian Bog day

I may have the title wrong, but the reality of it is that there are more of us out here than the moronic ultra conservatives want to admit. we are every where. We are exemplary teachers in high school, middle schools, elementarys, pre school, public, and private. We are the parents dropping our precious children off for the first and the last day of school. We are room moms and PTA/PTo volunteers. We are in every financial level of society, in every state, in every city. (Yes, small towns too.)

For the most part you can't tell who we are unless you ask. When you ask we honestly do think you are stupid when you say "You don't look like it." We honestly would like to know what does "it" look like?

My children face the same challenges as yours. They want to make friends, excel in school and extra curricular activites. The want their parents to be involved in school activities without being pointed at. My children are possibly better off than yours in the fact that my children will accept diversity in stride and they value that everyone is unique and that everyone loves.

Treat us and you would want to be treated. Treat my children as you demand your children be treated. Children are the future of our country - regardless of who their parents are.

Forced Vacation

Swine '09 - thats what the students have dubbed it. We are on vacation until March 13. Yes forced vacation. I have very mixed feelings. I feel like they have jumped the gun. There isn't this huge outbreak that they had anticipated and yet they are closing very single school in the district. Over 38,000 students are now out of school until at least March 13. We actually could be out of school longer.

After I get over the shock of not being at school I am hoping I start enjoing the time off. I would like to get some things done around the house, but what? I can't do to much, I will get tired and my hip will start hurting, So I am limited at what it is I can do. Maybe that is part of the downer for me. I am almost afraid of what my limitations might be. Afraid of finding them.

Sounds nuts, I know. Afraid of finding my limitations. I don't want to find them. I don't want to acknowledge they are there. I feel the arthritis will win. I am not ready to accept that.

There are some things around the house that I can get done. Maybe I should make a list. Then I can tackle them one at a time and see the progress I am making. I don't know. Right now I just have this I don't know feeling. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I feel blah.

I could take the time to write out some lesson plans. Then I stop and think why? Why should I write out lesson plans for classes I am not sure I am going to be teaching. We have been trying to move to Austin, which means I wouldn't even be working with the same district, let alone the same subjects. So my thought is why prepare when I am not sure what or where I am going to be teaching. I might not even be teaching.

Another update from our County Health Leader - what an idiot! He tries to make jokes that no one laughs at. 80 daycares have closed, the entire school district has closed, and he just mentions that the number everyone is flipping out about is a rolling number meaning it never goes down!

PANIC! MORONS!

Today I didn't do much, yesterday I did...

ALOT!



I didn't get out of the schoool until 8:50 last night. Why? Me and the other part time assistant principal had to delivering water and snacks to every room that is going to be used for testing this week. It took a hell of a lot longer to do than I expected and I was very tired afterwards. Today I have done nothing. Really... nothing. I was suppose to go to a fundraiser and I didn't wake up until almost 1.



In the past couple of weeks I have learned that my fatigue and pain is not caused just by the arthritis but by a severe Vitamin D deficieny. I am now taking 50,000 units of vitamin d a week for the next 3 months in order to raise my levels. I am hoping that raising my levels will help with the fatigue and joint pain.


They are narrowing down the type of arthritis I have in hopes of being able to treat it better.

I have also decided that I need to change some things at work. I can't be on both sides of the fence any longer. I need to be an administrator or a teacher. Not both. Its just too much to split your brain on both sides. I want to be able to focus on one or the other. I am planning on handing in my resignation as a part time assistant principal at the end of the year.

The fund raising has gone VERY well. The amount raise is nearing the $2500.00 mark. This is enough for all of the eligible students to go to Six Flags with transportation, ticket, and drink paid for. Their may be enough left in the budget for a meal, but I am not certain about that yet. I have to get the final count of eligible students on Monday.

I am very proud of the fundraising that they did. There were two successful bake sales and one McDonald's night that brought in a total of $1100 between the three. The rest of the money was raised through sales at school. We sold drinks and snacks during class to raise funds. Not bad for 3 weeks of fundraising.

I must decide if I am going to teach summer school. I have been offered a position, but we haven't had a chance to talk about whether I should take it. It is extra money, but it is also less down time. We shall talk.

Fundraising

I have been very fortunate to get approval for a field trip that will allow me to take my students to Six Flags.

We now have to raise the money for it. We have been raising money a week now and its off to a good start. I think. LOL

We have begun selling snacks out of my classroom to raise the funds and are taking donations. As of yesterday we had just shy of $500. We need to raise near $1800 by May 1. The students are commited to raising the funds. Today we are going to a local lumber store to set up a bake sale/donation table. One of the other clubs at the school I teach out did the same thing, but without the baked goods to offer, and raised $1100. We are only hoping for half of that. If we get more, that would be AWESOME! However, half of that would be just fine with me because it would boost their moral and get us closer to our main goal of paying for the tickets and the cheaper form of transportation (school bus).

Fundraising isn't fun - but it does teach them to work together for a common goal.

Where has time gone?

I was looking at my daughter today. Just looking. I had called her in to show her a program on the computer to help her with her math and she was reading outloud what the site was about. I could help but just stare at her for a moment.

She isn't perfect, but she's my daughter. She's already twelve and I wasn't even ready for her to be ten. She reading so well, when did this happen? It seems like she is growing so fast. She osn't perfect, I know that. She has her flaws, but so does everyone else. I wonder where all the time has gone. I feel like I have missed out on so much. Have I been around as much as I should have been? Am I around enough now? I don't want her growing up with the memories I missed out on.

I am starting to hate facebook. Everytime I open it I am reminded how much I still don't belong in the high school I was in. I wasn't a part of it then and I am not a part of it now. I didn't belong to a group of friends. I didn't have the chance. No one knew how hard it was to be me. I see so much of that in my daughter sometimes. She wants the friends, but has a hard time reaching out. Was that me too? I think back and wonder. We moved a lot when I was a kid. I never quiet felt like I fit in anywhere because we moved so much. I know of all these people, yet I know no one.

I am really beginning to hate facebook now. It is only throwing my social flaws in my face.

Applying continues...

I have begun and continue to apply to school districts in the Austin region in hopes that someone's interest will be sparked and I will be offered a position. We have begun to make lists of places we want to look at to live and places we know we don't want to drive through let alone live.

Information, informing ourselves, is the best stratgey right now. Reading the local newspaper, watching some news reports online, reading some local blogs, and looking at every district in the area. That is not an easy task. First thing we have to do is actually put together a list of these school districts. Then we have to go through and apply at every single one of them.

On the 9th there is a job fair in the Austin area that we are currently planning on attending. Several school districts will be there, from all over the state of Texas. We are only interested in the ones in the Austin area. We have made our reservations for a hotel that is very close to the venue. We have a friend who has said she can stay with the kids the 24 hours we will be gone.
now we have to put together cover letters and resumes for each of these districts to make a good first impression. Something that I know is very important.

We are currently debating if we want to make the trip up there this weekend. Two school districts have their own job fairs and the thought is first come first serve. The other thought we have is money. Do we spend the money or wait? We are thinking we could use the time away as well. We can use it to look around the north part of Austin - something we haven't done yet.

There are important steps we are trying to not miss. This has to be a calculated move so as to not through any surprises at us - ok fewer surprises at us. We would like to have an idea of where we would like to settle down before we actually get up there.

So much to do. It can fell overwhelming at times but exciting at times as well.

Back to Work

Tomorrow I go back to school. I have tried to get things together to make the return go smoother. The powerpoints are ready, the handouts are ready to be copied off in the morning. One problem, I am not quite ready to go back.

I have a department meeting in the morning, 8:15. UGH! I don't think I have been fully awake by 8:15 any morning this week minus the day I went to Austin. So I can only hope that I am fully alert and make sense when asked any questions.

Do I have any soda at school? Good question. I sure hope so.

When its over...

its time to teach again....

Its is the last day of Spring Break '09 and I can honestly say I spent the majority of my break just doing things here at the house. I did do some school related things, but honestly I spent a good chunk of it doing, well, not much.

I did do some work around the dining room, that was the extent of the "spring cleaning." However, our dining room does have less items in it and I was able to actually throw some things out that had been needing to hit the trash bin for awhile and I just hadn't done it. (ie I am under motivated to clean.)

Today my focus is split in two. Need to finish up the dining room and then finish prepping for this week's lesson plans. I am somewhat excited about this coming week because I get to begin teaching what I love to teach most - US History. Its only for 5 weeks, but they are my 5 weeks, and I will enjoy, at least I hope, every day of it.

I am assuming that if I am going to get a walk through of my classroom it will be coming in the next few weeks. I have only had someone in my room once this year and it wasn't the individual who would evaluate me.

There are a few things around my classroom I know I need to finish up too. I had actually begun cleaning it up and out before leaving on the break. I need to finishing putting primer on that back wall to cover the maps so I can have a good coat of paint up there soon.

K and I have semi-finalized our plans to go to Austin for the big job fair. The biggest obstacle is/was having someone watch the kids the one night we will be gone who can get Nate to and from school the full day we are going to be up there. That is no longer an obstacle. We have acouple of good friends and one has graciously volunteered to stay with them. She has stayed with the before nad the kids like her, so its cool. We'll leave food and gas money and they are all set. We have our reservations at a hotel close to the site and K has already begun looking for an outfit to wear. She has class the night we need to travel up so we will head out as soon as she gets home from class. We will be up there less than 24 hours this time around.

It is going to be a busy day, but a productive one.

Spring Cleaning

I have started cleaning things out. Do you realize how hard that is for a teacher? I mean really. What if I need one of these books again? What if I need some of these resources? It is hard to ge them at times and now I am going to throw them out. Do not ask me when the last time I used them. I don't know. Ok - the government stuff was 2 years ago, the econ stuff 2 years ago because I really didn't use it last year. The US History stuff.... well its been 3 years now, but I really want to get back to teaching that again and.... well ok I am an educational pack rat. There I admit it.

I AM AN EDUCATIONAL PACK RAT!

First step in the process of making it better right? Some of this stuff I know I can get rid of if I have it on CD. Then I can just reprint when/if I need it. So here I am looking at the mess I have made in order to clean and am wondering.... what the hell did I do? Am I nuts thinking i am really going to be able to clean all this up?

I am also thinking how much of a pain in the butt it will be to pack this stuff up and move it if we really are offered jobs in Austin. That is scary.

So I clean, I trash, I cringe as I throw things away reminding myself I haven't used it, I won't use it, I can replace it if/when I may ever need it.

As my students say to me.... wooo saw miss woo saw. (what the hell good it is suppose to be, I am unclear.)

And now...

What?

Thats the question. We are going to head to Austion for a couple of job fairs during the month of April. The hope is that we are offered jobs. The fear is, we are offered jobs. What if we are? A whole new set of questions will need to be answered and a whole new set of issus will need to be addressed.

First off a move to Austin would mean we are both going to be working. That in itself is a new ballgame for us. Then of course there is the - what the hell do we do if the house doesn't sale concern.

Austin should bring us opportunities we don't have here. My fear is, what if it doesn't? What if we get there and hate it or worse love it and lose our jobs.

Yesterday I took the youngest two out to do some errands with me around the area. I took them up to pay our property taxes. Writing that check stunk! I mean I get the pay our taxes or they take our house thing. I get the part that our taxes helps pay for the running of our government.
However, why should we be forking over taxes for a government that doesn't treat us as equals?
I am not advocating a revolt. Really. I am advocating EQUALITY! If we are expected to be full monetary participants in our government why should I not expect to be allowed full participant status? Should my marriage not be recognized so that we can be ful participants?

Our oldest child is currently in college, while our second to the oldest is preparing to enter college in the fall. Both of them are going to be going to college with very little paid out of our pockets thanks to the state's inability to recognize us. K makes very little taxable income, she does bring money into the house, but it isn't taxable. Also, please do not get onto the kick that she should be working... that is a whole other subject that I will go three rounds about.

Back to the subject. Since the do not recognize us, when the children fill out their financial aid forms they do not have anywhere to place the money I bring into the home. I do not "qualify" as a stepmother and therefore there is no place for my income on the paperwork. Now what this does is lower the expected family contribution amount - significantly I do believe. To zero in fact. Now with L getting ready to go they each will actually have their financial aid amount increased because there will be 4 college students from our home. R, M, K, and L. M has lived with us almost 2 years now and falls under K for financial aid reasons.

Without the recognition there are loopholes we fit through. I do not feel unethical going through those loopholes since there are so many benefits we aren't afforded because of the lack of recognition as well. There have been portions of time that K has had to go without health insurance because I am not able to cover her. We have been fortunate that those spans of time have not be so significant that she has become ill, but there have been times where she should have gone to the doctor and didn't because she wasn't covered at that time.

There are reasons people give for not recognizing our marriage, and I understand that marriage isn't for everyone. However, why should those people have any say in me having the right to have my marriage acknowledged just like every other person who chose to marry?

Lobby Day!

Today I made my way to Austin for Lobby Day! It is the one day of the year that AFT tries to get as many teachers as possible to the capital to talk the the legislators about what we, as educators, want and expect them to do during this legislative session.

I took our 12 year old with me. I felt it would be a great experience for her, and it was. She was excited about seeing the capital. She took all kinds of pictures and walked all over the capital building. I want her to see how we fight for her and other students to have a better education.

The next couple of weeks will be interesting around here.

We are on Spring Break right now. I plan on spending time with K and the kids, but I also have to plan for the weeks after I return to the classroom. The TAKS test is coming up 5 weeks after we get back from Spring Break and I have to do what I can to give the students the necessary information to enable them to have the best chance possible to pass the test. So I will be spending some of the time this week preparing some lessons, strategies, and items 9like flash cards) for them to use.

K is really great in bouncing ideas off of. We start talking and the ideas start coming. She gave me this idea about making matching cards and it has taken off on its own. I am taking things that have appeared often on past TAKS tests and making cards for them. Both picture and word cards. Where the students can match the name with the picture and vice versa.

I will be bouncing more things off of her all week long I am sure.

We have continued to talk about moving. There are a couple of job fairs coming up in April in the area we are very interested in moving to. The reservations have been made and we are making plans to spend the weekend up there when the job fair is taking place. I am going through the fliers, checking to make sure I have everything in order that they are asking us to have. I need to purchase a file folder to slide things into and out of easily. I may have something already now that I think about it. I was given a leather file folder type item during a college field trip to a chemical plant. Hmmm.... where did I put it?

We have decided to go up there, attend the job fairs and see what happens. It would be nice to be in the position to have to decide about the move due to a job offer.

It's March already!

It is hard to believe that it is already March of 2009. Where has the time gone?

Our youngest, C, just lost his first tooth. His second one is quickly following. He is already 8, so he was over due to lose his first couple. I have signed him uo for Little League. He loves sports and I want to put it to a positive use for him.

Counseling for K, our 12 year old, is getting more serious, if that makes sense. We had our first family meeting to discuss what her goals are and to get her to understand that she is expected to participate. That we all want her to be able to learn to express her feelings in better ways.

N, the eldest boy in the house right now, has transferred to the high scholl I teach at. There have been some backlashes that we were expecting nor did we forsee. Ker and I did more talking during my drives to and from school than we realized and having him in the car with me curbs the serious conversation. We have had to find time to talk at other times. This is hard with four kids still at home. I can feel that we are struggling with it.
N is having the same problems he has had in the past, not turning things in. This is more frustrating for Ker now that he is further away. She doesn't feel as connected with his new teachers than she did here. There is a level of control that she is use to that she doesn't feel she has. He very well may end up back at his old high school if things don't get better for him.

L, is doing well academically. She is focused on school life more than anything. She has done well with her music. She has earned a seat to the state competition - not bad for a state this size. She is starting to somewhat look ahead more. We are trying to push her to the realization that she has to plan ahead. That high school isn't going to last forever and the decisions she makes right now will have an impact on her life in college. Sometimes I think the talks work and other times I am not sure. growing pains.

Ker and I are again talking about moving. We keep coming back to the subject so much that it is only a matter of time before we make the jump. I just want us to be as prepared as possible for it when we do jump.

The economy is skydiving, not hang gliding, but that doesn't mean we have to go down with it. So one of the first things we've done is we sat down and talked about the finances. That is a really hard thing for us. We have both acknowledged it and are working on it, together.

Thats the whole key.... working together.

What a weekend....

This weekend I spent a day up in Cibolo, TX with a small group of friends. It was suppose to be a larger group, but several weren't able to attend. It was my first time away for non-business purposes. I enjoyed myself, but I did miss Ker.

The trip started off very interesting. On the way over to M's house I was pulled over by the Highway Patrol - thankfully I received a warning. After reaching M's house we headed out in her vehicle, stopping at Burger King to grab a bite to eat and for her to pick up a pack pf lung killers. While walking into the store, which shares space with a gas station, I hear a very loud thwack, turned, looked, and ducked. (you never know if someone is shooting you know.) What I heard and then saw turns out to be some idiot in a white durnago driving off with the gas pump still in his gas tank. he ripped the hose right out of the pump. He gets out of of his truck, pulls the nozzle out of his gas tank, walks it back to the pump, hans it up, and drives off.

I stand there amazed and laughing. Laughing that I most likely looked like an idiot ducking and amazed some fireball didn't erupt. We laughed about it during the drive up and when we retold the story to the friends we met in Cibilo.

Ok I went.... but I didn't like it

The week has started off with a bang... or should I say I migraine. I have had a migraine for 2 days now which is very unusual for me. I am assuming it is the stress of everything. I am hoping to be able to let it go now if not in the next couple of days.

I met with the parent. Much earlier than expected. She wasn't suppose to come in until 4 and showed up at 815 while I was with another parent. I received a phone call that she was in the counselors office and to come on up. I finished with the good set of parents and headed to the counselor not knowing what I was fully walking into.

Nothing has changed. She is still mad at me... and I am not backing down which I think is pissing her off more. The child is staying in my class, even though I honestly am not so sure she belongs in there, and the parent is going to go to my assistant principal to further complain. I have informed my assistant principal of the issue and she is behind me. Yes behind me. I have to admit it felt awesome to hear her say she wouldn't indulge the parent any more and tell her there are very few options for her. The student can stay in the class, move to my other class, or she can remove her from the AP class and place her in a regular classroom. The parent has already stated she wouldn't move her, but maybe with the assistant principal limiting her she may listen.

On the home front things are good, but we are financially strapped. VERY strapped right now. We are awaiting the arrival financial aid and the tax return to take care of some things we have fallen behind in and get us the the even mark again.

That is somewhat stressful, but K and I are really talking more now and handling things together more than I think we ever have. It has been awesome! We are dealing with things together. Saying its nice isn't defining it well enough. I love it! Love ya babe ;)

Another week about to begin. Ready, set, don't make me go....

Another week is about to begin for me. I was very fortunate to have the holiday off so it will only be a four day week, but I am really, really not looking forward to this week. Why? PARENTS!
Ok one in particular right now, but I just know there are others lying in wait. They are going to be super pissed about their student's grade and how insensitive I seem to be.

After Friday, I am going to try to get a little bitchier. I was told several times that I was way to nice with that parent. That I really should have gotten bitchier with her after I spent 40 minutes on the phone telling her the same thing over and over and over again. We just kept going in circles.

There are several students who I realy do like personally but am showing them the door tomorrow morning. I will be sending them to their counselor to find their way out of the AP class. They just can't handle it. They are in a college level course and I cannot be holding their hands the way they seem to need. They cannot keep up with the pace of instruction.

I have come up with a way to try to cut down on the number of students who are missing assignments, but it is only going to work if they follow through with it and I do the same. It is going to be tough in the beginning, remember to check these folders.... but I think if I use them than there will be less issues about them having received the assignment.

Only 4 work days until the weekend.

What a week

The semester is over and grades are due.... how is it that kids seem to think that now is the time to get the assgnments in? Why is it that I should let them turn in assignments that were due, oh Dec 2? How do I get a parent to understand that their child just doesn't get it... that the child is struggling so badly in the class that they need to go to a lower level. Even after spending 40 minutes on the phone with her she still believes its merely a lack of communications. That her child is the only one in my class not getting the assignments. That her not having the internet at home is not an excuse to getting the work done since since does have access at school.

I am so sick of arguing about grades and time... give me till Friday I know I will have it done. How is it that two days will be enough when it was do last Tues 5 weeks after I gave you the assignment? Its not fair? Whats not fair? That I will have to grade all of these papers within a few hours to get the grades put into the program or that you actually have to be responsible? Doesn't that just suck? You're going to have to go home and tell mom or dad that you blew off classwork and now you're going to fail the class.

I am tired of parents who complain that it is fully and completely the teacher's fault. Really? All my fault? Damn... I didn't realize this kid was part of my gene pool, if I had I would have dealt with the issue right here in class and we never would have had to bother you. Yes your child never lies to you and I am teaching because it pays so damn well. Did your kid give you the letters I have sent home? No? Oh wow, maybe I should have sent it certified return receipt, wait - I don't have the budget for that and your child would never not give you a letter or progress report from one of their teachers.

Can you tell its been a tough week? What gave it away?

This weekend I have some things to do at home, update my webpage, grade a few papers, but I am NOT going to let work run me this weekend. I want to enjoy being a person - me, not Mizzzz, the teacher.

By the way.... its not the teacher's fault. Stop blaming us. Are we perfect - hell no. We are humans, but you have teenagers and they sure aren't either. Maybe if you would assume what we the teacher said was the truth your kid would be less likely to assume they can say whatever they like and get away with it. They may be your child, but use some common sense too. Your kid isn't going to be the only one in the room to not get an assignment.

Take responsibility for making your child responsible.... what is so hard about that?

Happy New Year

It has been longer that I thought since I last wrote here.

Things are going really good here. I am currently on vacation, at least until Monday. One of the great things about teaching... holidays and summer vacations.

Several things have happened here at home since I last wrote.

The oldest is out of the house - he is off at college. Go AGGIES!
K has finished her student teaching, graduated from college, and has been accepted to graduate school. Sounds strange, but I wanted her to go to graduate school before workign full-time. There were several reasons why:

1) She doesn't want to just teach. She wants to be a reading specialist and that takes a masters degree.
2) We are currently use to operating on just one paycheck, so why not continue on to grad school now?
3) At the half year mark most of the jobs available wouldn't be ones she wants or would be happy doing. AND they don't pay her the same.

L has been accepted to college. GO AGGIES!
We never doubted she would be accepted, but it was a relief to get the actual confirmation.

I have been partially promoted. I know that sounds nuts to some, but I am now a part-time assistant principal. This means I still teach, but have administrative duties as well.
I am enjoying my classes, for the most part. Have had some interesting things happen the first half of the year. Six weeks into the school year the powers above switched out my classes, literally. I was teaching 3 classes of Advance Placement and 3 classes of regular geography. They collapsed my 3 AP classes into 2 and gave me 4 classes of world history.

It has taken some getting use to - but I think I finally have a handle on it. I also have a better handle on my AP classes (I think.) They are challenging. Trying to keep ahead of them is tough. They ask questions that I don't know the answer to and finding assignments/projects for them to do that are challenging for them yet get the information they need out to them is tough.

I have been reaching out to other AP teachers. Trading information, getting projects ideas, and essay ideas. The kids really need to be prepared to write the essays. Thats one of my biggest fears, not preparing them.

I have been sent to some trainings and hope to go to some more. It helps get some perspective and I get to meet people I can connect with. To get more info and support from.


Kt is about to turn 12 and C is about to turn 8. they have grown so fast. At least thats how it feels.

We are looking into moving further north, where we will be more accepted. Its tough here, outside our house sometimes. We love our house - the land - the peace, but we have to work and our kids have to go to school and they should be hassled by others because of my marriage.